7 We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.[a] This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.
8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 2Cor. 4:7-10 NLT
So many people have inquired as to what was going on within me yesterday, that prompted the plea for prayer. I must tell you that the day ended beautifully with the outpouring of love, support, prayer and conversations held that left me with my arms lifted instead of my head hanging as it had been for most of the day. Please bear with me, as I attempt to give you a window into my pain and frustration.
I realized yesterday that GOD was closest to me then, than I've ever felt Him here. I may do my friends that have children who struggle with or tormented by mental illness a disservice with this reference, but yesterday I felt like an autistic child who had a deep pain, that due to my condition I'm unable to communicate it to those that actually care about and for me. So all of my attempts to do so come off as uncontrollable, unexplainable, unpredictable outbursts of anger or rage. So I simply asked for prayer.....and pray SO MANY OF YOU DID.
See I had been made aware by Lecrae (a Hip-Hop artist, that is a follower of Jesus Christ) of a unedited video of Sam DuBose encounter that left me "crushed and perplexed" because I felt like men like myself seem to be (not as if this is something new...but due to technology each week there's a fresh black corpse) hunted down. Now some of you will like to derail this and take it to....well black on black crime, or the excessively high abortion rate in the black community which are all blights....but when you add into the mix that another unarmed, unassuming black man was gunned down by the very people we pay taxes to employee...something in me, and in you should sift your bowels like wheat. To add insult to the injured I have this vast cloud of FB witnesses, friends, etc.....and when I scroll through I was bombarded by Cecil the Lion public outcry posts, and planned parenthood horror tweets and posts...but between the unnecessary killing of a majestic single lion and the thousands of babies that are killed in clinics per day (many of which the majority is held by my ethnos...which is another conversation of WHY this is) is sandwiched the killing of Sandra Bland, Sam DuBose, and..........I can't seem to see who in my circle even cared, or offered a prayer/post in solidarity. My heart broke, felt an overwhelming since of vulnerability......and then having watched the bodycam video in it's entirety and realize Sam DuBose was being harassed and all because he didn't have his wallet (on the surface) when I realized I had left the house without mine (my wallet).......the pain, the frustration coupled with pool of tears in my office became too much. (Imagine for a moment you exist in an ethnos where some don't within it don't value life (black on black crime as well as abortion), then you are hated by some simply because the color of your skin (some of which take that hatred into action), where do you turn aside from GOD?) 
But like a mature Dr. Banner....having learned how to harness, channel and direct his rage appropriately, I have since learned and been reminded that what I saw or felt was a lack of support, from those whom I support & encourage really was a lack of knowledge. People don't know what they don't know...so until we share, as difficult as it might be, our pain, our struggles with one another....people won't know, what they won't know. I must add in closing though....it takes a special person (and I have many of them) that really desire to know and are willing to listen, and not rationalize but rather put their arms around me and carry my heart to FATHER in prayer.....and I felt that shortly after 5pm yesterday, so THANK YOU. I didn't stop Loving God, and Loving People....yesterday....I simply took stroll through the valley with a few folks to love them deeper & allow them the privilege to do the same with me. #LGLP365
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